Listen well, ye eager tongues: Shakespearean English is not merely a collection of archaic words and theatrical flourishes. It is a living, breathing relic of Early Modern English, and if thou dost misuse it, thou’lt look a proper ninny. This guide shall spare thee that fate.
What Shakespearean English Actually Is (And Isn’t)
First, dispel this ludicrous notion that Shakespearean English is Old English. It isn’t. Old English is Beowulf territory - full of ‘þæt’ and ‘hwæt’ - utterly unintelligible to modern ears. Shakespeare’s language, by contrast, is Early Modern English. It’s the bridge between Chaucer and thee.
Early Modern English
/ˈɜːli ˈmɒdən ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ/Common Pitfalls (And How to Avoid Them)
- Misusing ‘thou’ and ‘you’: ‘Thou’ was informal, ‘you’ formal. Calling thy boss ‘thou’ would be as insulting as calling them ‘matey’ in a board meeting.
- Overdoing the -eth and -est endings: Not every verb needs them. ‘He goeth’ is correct; ‘he walketh to the shoppeth’ is absurd.
- Inventing words: Shakespeare coined terms like ‘eyeball’ and ‘bedroom’, but that doesn’t mean thou canst slap ‘-eth’ on ‘selfie’ and call it authentic.
When (And How) to Use Shakespearean English Today
There are precisely three scenarios where Shakespearean English is acceptable:
- Theatre and performance (obviously).
- Historical reenactments, provided thou hast done thy research.
- Deliberate, sparing humour - e.g., texting ‘Wherefore art thou latte?’ to a tardy friend.
For further inspiration, see our guide to Shakespearean greetings or 12 Shakespearean ways to say ‘goodbye’.
Why It Matters
Shakespearean English isn’t just a party trick. It’s a window into the evolution of language. Misusing it isn’t just embarrassing - it’s a disservice to history. If thou must dabble, do it right. Or, as the man himself wrote: ‘This above all: to thine own self be true.’ (Even if ‘thine own self’ is a pretentious git.)
Prithee
/ˈprɪði/“Please”
